SOLVING A FINANCIAL CONFLICT FOR COUPLES

……Olivia came home from work, ready to discuss finances with Jack her hubby. She had just attended a seminar on Financial Management For Couples Seminar and she was excited about sharing what she had leant with Jack. She had always felt frustrated by the fact that they never really talk about finances or anything to do with their family resources or future plans. This was a golden opportunity.

She arrived home at 5pm and found Jack seated at the verandah sipping on coffee while watching the kids run around in the compound. The atmosphere was warm, with the sun trying to set It was heart-warming! The kids came running to her for hugs and off they were again to resume their play. She picked a cup of tea and pulling her chair to sit close to Jack who had kind of grown a bit aloof of late. She greeted him and started sipping on her tea.

She did not feel like spoiling the relaxed mood by raising a subject that had never come up before. “How would he take it? How would he respond?” She wondered. “But eeh….it is about time! Children are growing, we need to look ahead and plan together. I wonder what he is thinking right now” She thought to herself. Don’t women usually do?! She whispered a prayer to the Holy Spirit to help her and fill the atmosphere. There and then Jack asked how her day was. This was a good chance to start.

“It was interesting” She said. “I went to this couple’s seminar I told you about. They were talking about finances in marriage. It actually occurred to me that we have never really discussed money matters!”

“What did they say?” He asked.

This was her chance to explain and this is what she said:

“So apparently this is a subject people need to discuss before getting married. They said financial management disagreement is among the top 3 causes of major conflict in marriage.

We did the money-type test to know how we relate to finances as individuals. I did not know that I am so cautious about how I spend. We talked about the need for financial goals – long term, medium term and short term. These are not cut in stone but they offer guidance for ongoing planning processes. We then need to determine how much to save regularly. We then developed budgets. Here you define the preferred life style within your means and plan income and expenditures accordingly.

Here is the big one – We have to decide what account-type to operate:

  • A completely joint account for all our money;
  • Separate accounts and a joint one
  • Separate accounts.

Depending on which one you choose, you decide on financial management style…..and…”

“..Wait Olivia” Said Jack. “Does this apply to us? We are still struggling to get enough finances then we can plan. I am not doing well as the head of this family? Where have I gone wrong?” Olivia was taken aback. Why was he taking it as a personal attack?

“Honey?” She interrupted. “This has nothing to do with whether anyone does it right or wrong!” “Am I anyone?” Jack asked.

“No. That is not what I mean. I just think that we need to start having conversations about finances – we need to dream about investments and then we plan together on how to achieve them. I feel left out in this. You do not even know how much I earn! Do you really care? I appreciate that you provide faithfully but I get this feeling that if we plan together we shall achieve much more?”

“Ok what ideas do you have now? About dreams, I do have dreams and as the head of this family, I am planning for our future. I am not just living day by day. Relax I will take care of the family. It is my role”.

Olivia was confused. She was not doubting his commitment to providing but she simple saw great potential in two people planning together.

“This is a traditional mindset! Insecurity“ She thought to herself. “But times have changed Jack. You cannot be thinking that you are the only one that should provide everything. It should be a concerted effort and we need to share details. I also have brains and we can achieve much If we put our minds together. Headship does not mean that you alone have the ideas. We need to keep discussing about anything and everything”.

At this point Jack got up and said he had go play golf. As soon as she left, Olivia when to pray for God to change these circumstances. She then called Vivian who explained that true oneness required communication, transparency, accountability and mutual respect. She said different methods worked for different couples and it is critical that you decide how you will handle family resources.

She said her and her husband had a joint account but that they also operated personal accounts. She said they always dreamt, planned, saved and invested together and that they agreed to keep it that way. However, each one of them had funds they could use based on their personal discretion. She said over the years, Vivian’s hubby has learnt to let Vivian take a lead on how to handle finances because she is gifted in handling accountability and being frugal. They were learning to trust each other and to co-own every investment they make.

On hearing this Olivia sobbed! Why was it always difficult to talk Jack. He is always on the defensive. It just kills me. I can’t walk on eggshells all my life! It is so demoralizing. She prayed that Jack may learn a thing or two about Financial Management For couples one day. She kept the faith. She also resolved that she would start managing her finances well and investing for the family as God will lead her.

Along the way, Jack complied and they opened a joint account where they would put a percentage of their income for joint investment. They also opened a joint savings’ account and started planning and investing together. The financial problem was solved!

It is an issue of trust. Oneness requires complete trust that should be growing by the day. Only then does a marriage flourish, reflecting the image and plan of God for mankind.

 

 

 

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