Realizing a Fulfilling Life despite Gender Biases
Last Sunday, as I drove back from a burial upcountry, I reflected on the life of this 92 year old lady that had passed on and the testimonies that were given in her memory and honour. I concluded that she must have attained fullness of life according to her definition of the same and the goals she had set for her life!
So, what does a fulfilled life look like? What does that look to you? Fulfilling means fullness of life, wholeness, thriving, abundant life, self-actualization, success etc. For this blog, I will use the words fulfillment and success exchangeably.
Every living human being is pursuing his concept of success! That is why we wake up in the morning planning and working; that is why we want to look good and healthy, that is why we want to go for further studies to improve ourselves, that is why you are doing side hassles, that is why you are in that relationship, that is why you got marriage, that is why you belong to that group and that is why you are networking. It is a package! We are all looking for ways to thrive!
A stumbling block, on the other hand, represents anything that will work to undermine our efforts to succeed as desired.
So, how do we succeed or thrive despite sabotaging circumstances?
– What is success to you? What would be your ultimate indicator or mark for success? Is it money? Power? Is it leisure and pleasure? Over the years, I have found out that there is authentic success and there is false success.
According to Ron Jensen, in his book; ‘Achieving Authentic Success,’ talks of 6Ps that represent popular view of success – Prosperity, Power, Position, Power, Prestige and Pleasure. Most people think success is a destination or a point X when certain standards will be achieved. E.g. some amount of money, position etc.
One psychologist said success is the accomplishment of your self-defined goals. According to Myles Munroe, success is the fulfilment and the completion of the original intent for the creation of a product.
According to Ron Jenson, success is the progressive realization and internalization of all you were meant to be and do!
Check these words carefully. Progressive means success is not a destination but a lifestyle, a daily occurrence, a process. So you can monitor your success on a daily, depending on the indicators, your set for yourself and the matching quality of life being lived.
Let us dissect this: Realization and internalization has an element of living life from the inside out and being able to realize or quantify the success from outside observation. All you were meant to be and do. Be has to do with being! Doing has to do with performance. Being comes first and it has to do with who we are – identity. Understanding and walking in light of identity is fundamental to thriving! This relates to authenticity. That is why we are first human beings and not human doings like someone said once. Doing has to do with your actual life-purpose – fulfilling a Life Mission! So who are you? Can you define yourself for me without telling me your titles, what you do and what you are accomplishing etc?
Identity has to do with who you are as defined by God before creation. You were divinely designed unique and special, with intrinsic value and worth that makes you complete before any accomplishments! Being aware of this and walking in this truth is the beginning of achieving a successful life. Pursuing your God-designed destiny is also achieving success progressively. A combination of living according to one’s true identity and purpose is pursuing authentic success.
To realize authentic success involves dealing with obstacles that are inevitable in this life. For women, the obstacles are much more because of the world that was largely designed by men for men. Gender biases are obstacles to fulfillment. These biases come as a result of one gender thinking it is better than or superior to the other. They then look down on the perceived inferior one and this spirals down to all other aspects of life. This perception also undermines gender equity necessary for everyone to realize their full potential.
How do you break through the glass ceiling and thrive? We now pretty much have the right laws, policies and strategies for gender equity. There is no one-size-fits all, but there are general principles that can help us make informed choices.
The starting point for overcoming stumbling blocks to thriving is understanding what life is all about in general terms and then dissect it to your individual unique level. We have to define life’s fundamental questions like Who am I? Where I am I from? Why I am here? Where I am going (destination)?
Identity: Who am I is about one’s uniqueness as a created being – formed in God’s image and likeness. A copywrited being with intrinsic value and worth. This forms a base or a foundation for every other thing. Why? Because you will think, choose, plan and act in sync with the authentic you and in line with the absolute truth as a reference point. You won’t be trying to conform to existing shifting standards that are man-made and you won’t be trying to compare yourself or compete with other people who should also be in their own lane – whether male or female.
As a subset to this, you also get to understand your uniqueness in line with your gender. Today, with all kinds of theories coming up, this is not obvious. The definition of gender or sex for that matter is becoming more and more fluid. So, where is the standard? We need to understand femininity and masculinity, being female doesn’t necessarily mean being a full woman! Neither does being male mean you are a full man. Femaleness or maleness is by birth, but true womanhood or manhood is a choice!
A strong sense of identity establishes a firm base and foundation for all other requirements to maximize our potential.
Purpose: The second step to living a full life is to answer the why question. This is about discovering your purpose. Authentic success like Jenson says, has to do with living life on purpose. Purpose is like your Life’s Mission Statement (LMS). Like we set up strategic plans for institutions to be able to make sense, so do we need this for our lives to make sense. This helps in keeping focused on what really matters in regard to destiny.
Defining one’s values: These are principles, non-negotiables that we choose to live by. Values give us the framework and boundaries within which we do life. It also helps with developing character and attitude. We have to train our brains to choose the positive attitude of possibilities more than that of focusing on obstacles, impossibilities etc. We can choose to see opportunities and/solutions in all circumstances, including the negative ones. Values also help in setting personal boundaries. These help one in keeping afloat amidst attempt to overwhelm life and undermine achievement.
After you have defined these, you then live a planned and scheduled life. You dream, imagine and set goals as if you will live up to 120, but make daily plans and schedules as if that day is your last. This is because success is a daily affair, a lifestyle, a progressive realization and internalization of all you were meant to be and do.
As you plan, ensure that you live a balanced life, focusing on all of life (Wheel of life). Choose which aspects to focus on per season and be consistent.
When you have defined your identity, purpose and values, very few obstacles will be insurmountable; not even those related to gender. You will actually find yourself spear-heading causes of gender equity from an influencer point of view!
