“…..I do not know what to do! I feel I have so much in me that I can give in terms of empowering people but something holds me back. Please pray for me!” This was a statement from one of my sisters in Christ that I will call Nancy. She is so gifted in people-empowerment training. She shared this at our monthly prayer evenings, while outlining her prayer requests.
“Before we pray for you, please elaborate more on what could be the actual problem.” I intercepted.
“You see, a few years ago, my husband and I registered a company for people-empowerment initiatives. We intend to go to companies, corporations and anywhere else that the Lord will lead to and train for a fee. We are all gifted and skilled to do this excellently.”
“So what is the actual problem again?” I probed raising my eyebrows in confusion
“My husband seems busy…”
“…and so?…and you?” I pressed on
“Aah…well…I just sometimes feel like pushing him to be the one to do this….I guess it could be because of all this teaching that men should take the lead…they should initiate…I do know! ”
“Does he mind you doing this?” Sister Mary asked
“Not at all! He does not mind me doing anything. He is a fine Christian man that is so supportive. ….But eeeeh I now see how confusion around gender roles can happen”
Our conversation went on for a few minutes and I realized that for sure there was some subtle confusion about gender roles.
So, we have been taught that men are the leaders. They are the ones with the vision and they need to take the initiative. They are the priests in the homes, they are the bread winners, they must provide for the family etc etc. Women are there to support the men. Eeeh! My good-ness!
Most typical examples and illustrations I hear used in wedding sermons are interesting. Women are usually encouraged to support men as they go out to work and pursue their God given dreams. When they come home tired, the women should be there to provide a conducive environment for the men to rest and be at peace. Men are encouraged to be good to their wives. They are told to be kind and gentle to them ‘even if the house may not be clean, or the food is burnt, just love her’.
My inquisitive mind is usually racing with questions. Are women not leaders too? Aren’t women priests too? Aren’t they not called to subdue the earth and have dominion too? Are we not bringing up our girls and boys to seek God’s purposes for their lives; to have dream and think big; to see themselves as leaders/influencers? Don’t women earn bread for the family? What about the women members of parliament, the women CEOs, the young rich business ladies? Don’t they need support from their husbands? What about where the lady earns more? What happens when they both come home tired? So where are the boundaries banange? Someone help me….!
In the case of my friend Nancy, the reason she is confused could be these mumbled up concepts and paradigms about gender roles. If she believes these concepts and takes them as law and as cast-in-stone, guess what? She will definitely be confusion. Why would she be enthusiastic about taking up any active role outside the home? Won’t she be usurping the husband’s leadership if she becomes too aggressive with work in the market place? He is the one to take the initiative for crying out loud! But she has this burning sensation (God-given) to do something; to be pro-active and add value to people; to earn and improve her life and that of the family. She is bubbling with ideas and energy and she the relevant resources – so what should she do?
You see, we are all called to be leaders in our own right – men, women and children. We all have intrinsic value free-will and seeds for greatness as a gift from God. The Holy Spirit is poured out to all of us to fulfill our God given destinies. We need to be maximizing all that God has invested in us for our own good and the good of all of society.
However, for orderliness in the family, God appoints the man to be the head of all the leaders in each household. It is a designated position. The terms of reference for this position could be summed up like this: To create an enabling environment for every leader in the family to thrive to the glory of God; to role model servant leadership and Christ-like love. If these roles are fulfilled as led by the Spirit, the structured dos and don’ts won’t be necessary. Grace will triumph over laws.….and you will live happily ever after….
So my sister Nancy has the duty to follow her dream as agreed upon with her husband, unhindered by funny narratives! Go ahead my sister Nancy and do what you have to do my sister. God and your hubby are on your side.
To create an enabling environment for other leaders. I like.